Nope, no cock this Wednesday. Actually 'no cock' is becoming my mantra. Even though I was in my home with two men I have slept with (CJ and TK) neither seemed very interested in what I was offering. Too bad too, it would have made for an interesting CBW.
I didn't really care that much about TK, it was CJ's rejection that really got to me.
Remember all that talk about wanting to be with him, but the lack of air conditioning put a damper on things? Remember how he said, to quote his comment,: "Not much better today, but I reset the A/C and the compressor seems to be putting out. And I look forward to Deb putting out a bit later."
Well that seems to have been nothing but, if you'll excuse the pun, lip service. No it wasn't even that, some lip service would have been good...yummy.
We were partying with our house guests last night in the fashion that baby boomers of my generation do. With two guys around that I find sexy, and being the only woman in the room, I got quite hot. When we finally said our goodnights and went upstairs my advances were quickly nipped in the bud. Now this isn't the first time this has happened, it's just the first time I've decided to talk about it here on the blog. Now it's a drag.
As my regular readers must know by now, my sexuality is a big definition of who I am. Some people may not agree with doing that to one's self, but I revel in it. It's natural. It's wonderful. When it comes to CJ, it's love. I don't want to reiterate my sexual philosophy here, I'm sure you get the picture. I just can't stand that type of rejection from CJ. Now I can't and don't expect him to be 'on' and my beck and call, but the total disinterest really got to me and I can't shake it. When I just rolled over in bed last night and turned out the light he said to me:
"We not supposed to go to bed mad". Which is true, in our home we don't go to bed angry at each other. We try to work things out before we sleep.
I answered him with "I'm not mad, are you?" It was the truth, I wasn't mad. I was disappointed, on more than one level.
This time it just hit so hard that I don't think that I will ever embarrass myself or him that way again. How can I be the aggressor at times with the possibility of feeling like crap for trying?
Rant over.....
