CBW #75 - MY Favorite Ride

Cock doesn't get any yummier than this one. I even think his balls are handsome.
I have run out of submissions, so I prevailed on my wonderful lover to 'stand up' for me.
This is it folks. My favorite ride. The most delicious cock I've ever had. Best of all it's attached to a fantastic and favorite lover.
CJ knows just how I like these pics and he did it perfectly, still in his business clothes.

Now as much as I enjoy showing off CJ, the original reason for CBW is to let my readers show off so please remember guys:
Remember to send me your special pic for a Dirty Debbie CBW just click on the button on the sidebar that looks like this:

The Can of Worms

The fortune shown here is very true.
From the comments I am still receiving, it seems as though my posting on Infidelity and CJ's subsequent commentary has opened a can of worms. I recently received two more evocative comments on the posts.
What's happening here is what any good blogger wants, input. I would love to reply to each interesting comment with a new full entry, but I'm afraid the can of worms will never be closed that way.
I will comment in the comment sections of the entries, so please feel free to keep up on the debate there.
Thanks again for all your input.

Spring Celebrations 2008

MAY THE HOPE OF SPRING RENEW US ALL

CJ's Thoughts on Fidelity

A virtuous abstinence from the joys of pederasty comes most easily to those who have no taste for it. - Oscar Wilde
(Read between the lines: those that have never thought about something, ie., infidelity, have no right to speak about it)

"For though a woman is timid in everything else, and weak, and terrified at the sight of a sword; still, when things go wrong in this thing of love, no heart is so fearless as a woman's; no heart is so filled with the thought of blood."
- Euripides' play "Medea"

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. - Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

________________________

Ok, you've all been waiting for me to sit down and pound out a screed of my feelings about fidelity, and therefore I have let rip with the following stream of soul-bearing consciousness; something that Deb propounds that I keep to myself, and in all honesty is correct in stating that "still waters run deep".
What follows is that which I have given careful consideration to over the latter course of my life, that which I have learned through trials, tribulation and not without a few bruised toes of my ego.

To me, sexual fidelity is an art, but one which need not be mutually associated with the mainstream concept of the marriage covenant.
Sexual desire is powerfully and intricately interwoven with the deepest levels of human identity and with the most difficult questions we have about who we are or what it means to be human. Sexual desire can be repressed, it can be heedlessly indulged, or it can become a calculated part of a marketplace exchange.

Body and heart or soul are one. Any attempt to dissociate them is both doomed and dangerous, and that is how casual sex injures even free and willing participants. It severs vital connections within the self, thereby silencing or at least muting one of the most powerful and literally vital foundations of our richest and most creative relationships with other people. Casual sex easily devastates the capacity for serious sex.

Those woods are lovely, dark and deep; let me but steal a twig and then keep going.
I said at the beginning that sexual fidelity is an art, and like all arts it is dependent upon disciplines and practices learned and sustained over time.
Let me take that idea one step further. These disciplines and practices—and especially the most embodied or material and "technical" of them—provide the crucial foundation for symbolic perception and expression.
The glorious coherence, lucidity and passion of a fine musical performance are not possible except through years of excruciating discipline, both in the exact actions of fingers or other parts of the body and in the detailed material and technical aspects of music and musical composition.
Literature too involves an array of word choices and technical strategies that critics spend lifetimes trying to understand and to appreciate.
The art that is sexual fidelity also depends upon a deeply complex, not fully conscious array of spiritual and material practices and disciplines. Casual sex then, even between good friends, threatens to inhibit or unduly complicate the practice of faithful sex just as, in any artistic practice, it is difficult to overcome "careless" techniques learned early in one's career.

As recent reports about the brain document, we are all the creatures of past experience, more powerfully so in the less conscious and more highly embodied aspects of our lives.
Erotic responsiveness is extraordinarily complex and subtle, so we are wise indeed to approach its depths with great care for what we understand to be its ultimate significance in our lives.
To the extent that sexual fidelity is understood to be a central virtue, casual sex of any kind is, at the very least, an unwise risk. Plenty of folks come through apparently unscathed, I realize. But I still think it is a significant risk, particularly for people who might be sexually active for ten or fifteen years prior to a committed relationship. As an example of my previous point on art, for a vocalist or a violinist that much "bad practice" would be devastating.
With human sensuality as well, our careless sexual habits from the past must be observed and the chains of divisiveness between our inner selves broken in order to form a bond that transcends that of the simple animalistic couplings of our past.

That all said, we come to a salient question of the modern computer age: are chat rooms, pictures and "cybering" just an acceptable way to fantasize or only a lesser form of adultery ?

Again, it all has to do with what your vows are with each other. In my mind now, there is no "lesser form" of adultery in committing the physical act.
It either is or it isn't.
You can't be a "little" pregnant.
Simply put, if you touch someone other than your partner, you are guilty.
If, as I said earlier, your vow is for the fidelity of actual physicality (sex only with your husband or wife) then to engage in cyber-sex is adultery in some minds.
In order to have cyber-sex, you DO need another person, however there is no connection with what I refer to as the Divine Soul that each of us possess, therefore as long as no inner connection is involved, it is simply fantasy.
"Fantasy" is in your head and involves no real live, thinking reacting human being even at the other end of the key board. Fantasy is not a sin in my way of thinking, nor is masturbation that includes fantasy.
Jerking off to a picture, typing on the keyboard, or talking on the phone can never replace the intimate closeness and connection that is felt when two persons in a committed relationship, not necessarily based on marriage papers, can achieve.
Thus to me, the physical act of making love to Deb is part of what I feel are spiritual bonds that we have carefully cultivated, and not something to be taken lightly.

As to myself and how I relate to Deb, I simply made a deep, conscious decision based upon the previous pondering of sex and my experiences therewith to remain physically committed to one person and one person only.
The mental, nea, "spiritual" connection that we share was not simply foisted upon us by any piece of paper or religious ceremony, but was instead a semi-unspoken oath that we would not recreate circumstances as in the past that would hinder our relationship.

Simply put, I believe that we humans are much greater than we give ourselves credit for, and therein contains a grain of truth: if we are so, then what is our connection with each other and the greater aspects of the Divine?
My fidelity is thus predicated not only on the knowledge that my partner would simply "know" if I had been unfaithful, but also on my respect for that spark of God Goddess All That Is that Deb and I have carefully cultivated between our souls.

To summarize: in my mind, fidelity is a joint decision about the actual "act" of sex between two partners; that which is acted upon. Everything else - masturbation, fantasy or chatting is fantasy and does not (in our case) break the idea of fidelity.

I hope this answers some of your questions.

Commentary on the Comments

Wow! The entry below caused a lot of commentary. If you look at any blog directory I'm listed with or at my source code you'll see the following as my blog's description:

Some of the random dirty little thoughts that may run through my head on any given day. Fantasy, reality, current events, let's talk dirty. Remember the brain is the largest sex organ.

I thought it best to write a whole other entry just to answer some of the comments I have gotten over the past 24 hours. I want to speak to every one who took the time to express their own opinions. I love a good debate and discussion.

So in no particular order, my responses to my readers:

1. Alfie: I'm glad that my case was made and as always "you're welcome".

2.MikeCindyJoe: I'm so glad that you commented and made clear that things aren't different in your shared lifestyle. I especially like the point you made of the sexual definitions being secondary. Best of all was the way you put the 'moral of the story' :
"There are no excuses in life, so don't try to make any, OR invent a lame reason to do so."

3. Dan: Thank you for your kind words and wishes. I'm loving my life and it's many aspects. As for the parts of the story not included, I think a lot it would come off as trite and/or forced compared to what I have already written. CJ's thoughts, that may be tough, he can be the epitome of still waters running deep, a typical Capricorn. Luckily for him I am a patient woman, so we shall see. So far I have heard 100% more from my readers than him (at least at the time of this writing).

4. MCB: You bring a different look at the entire events leading up to my posting. I agree that these things can get complicated and you mention choices as did I. Your insight into Spitzer is inspiring and I agree with it. It shows not only disrespect for his wife though, but for the woman he bought.

5. Finally the infamous 'Anonymous': Please understand that I am not struggling to be faithful. It is not my desire to do anything differently as you seem to imply. As I said, it is my desire to make love with my husband, not have more orgasms. You describe yourself as a dog. You can either give up and stay that way or move on and above it. Remember if you decide to stay a dog don't aspire to greater things, a better job or salary, a better place to live, to discover true love, etc. It's your choice, do you really want to be a lone dog in a doghouse? I agree with you about it being part of a successful relationship, but I don't believe it's "pretty easy to fail". Some of your fellow commenters speak to that.

I'm sure more comments will come in and more than likely I'll answer those in the comment section.
Now I think I'd like to turn my writing from current events and opinion back to erotica.

Topic of the Day – Infidelity

This is a long entry, but please stick with me.

Because of the New York’s Spitzer/Patterson sex mess the topic of infidelity has hit the media like an avalanche. I hear about it more through the papers, television news, the Internet, and the water cooler than ever before.

I actually heard on NBC’s Today Show this morning about how men can’t help but ‘stray’. Of course, the gender of the person presenting this theory was male. He described other cultures that allowed men to have more than one wife or partner at a time. He spoke as though we were the only culture that enforced monogamy that existed. I didn’t understand that if all this infidelity was all right, why was it only acceptable among men? Why was it always described as something that men couldn’t help? From ancient times to the present, yes the 21st century there are plenty of cultures that kill women for being unfaithful.

The subject of faithfulness and fidelity is a pet peeve of mine, so bear with me, I’m about to climb onto my soapbox and I may be a while.

To avoid any confusions, first definitions:
Fi-del-i-ty (noun)
1. Loyality
Loyalty to an allegiance, promise, or vow
2. Sexual faithfulness
Faithfulness to a sexual partner, especially a husband or wife
3. Factual accuracy
Accuracy in reporting facts or details

Faith-ful (adjective)
1. Consistently loyal
Consistently trustworthy and loyal, especially to a person, promise, or duty
2. Not adulterous or promiscuous
Not having sexual relations with somebody other than a spouse or partner
3. Conscientious
Displaying or resulting from a sense of responsibility or devotion to duty

First, let’s be clear about choices. In my little rant here I’m not talking about regular swinging or polyamourous couples. These people have made a certain lifestyle choice. They are living that lifestyle with a mutual understanding. I personally don’t think I could do that, but that isn’t relevant now.
Second, I’m not a member of any church, not Christian, not Jewish, not Muslim, none. I am a pagan spiritualist and a humanist, so the subject has nothing to do with mores and morals that were preached at me.
It does have to do with ethics.

As many of my long time readers know I have a degree in Psychology and studied human sexuality. I currently work in the mental health field. People and animals are not the same and it seems that people that want to rationalize their behavior often make that comparison. That the species needs to be propagated and that man planting as much seed among as many different women as possible most effectively does this. Perhaps true tens of thousands of years ago, but considering we can’t feed, house, educate, or get medicine for a large part of the people in the world now, we really shouldn’t be worrying about propagating the species through sexual reproduction, but rather through proper maintenance.

I have often heard men blame their actions on the women rather than taking responsibility for their actions. If you thought what you were doing was right or at the very least inconsequential then why blame boredom, age, physical fitness or attractiveness, or any other attributes of your female partner as the reason you fucked someone else? Moreover, if it’s done because the relationship has soured or can’t be fixed, then end it.

I am using the man as the cheater here because that’s in the news now, but I know women cheat too. The thing is that the culture of the female cheater is something very different. If I went on about that it would extend my tirade beyond the scope I wanted to stick with here.

Another thing that my long time readers know is my bond with CJ. The saga of how we returned to each other after 17 years of divorce has been told a couple of times throughout this blog. That I was reminded and reconnected with the spiritual loving part of a very special man I connect with. My belief that CJ is my soul mate has been described on more than one occasion here.
And here’s my struggle, every day I have to work at trusting CJ. His infidelity is difficult for me to grasp and understand. That lack of understanding isn’t dependent on whether I was 25 at the time or 47. Age doesn’t bring wisdom in this area for me.
Since the day I was first with CJ (it’ll be 29 years at the end of next month), I never cheated on him. I was with other men when we were separated/divorced and one time I was with his best friend by mutual agreement and he was there.

At times I wonder if I don’t border on nymphomania or at least sexual addiction. I would enjoy a lot more sex; but right now, that’s not meant to be. I would not cheat on CJ for the sake of more orgasms. The idea to me is absurd and ridiculous. I do have cybersex as my form of masturbation. I have told CJ about it, there are no secrets and he’s OK with it, at least that’s what he tells me. If it weren’t I wouldn’t do it.

I have had between 25 and 30 lovers in my lifetime. Of those, there was only one lover I cheated on. That happened when I got back together with CJ. I had been seeing someone I’ll call ‘Jack’ for about two years. I couldn’t stand myself afterwards. I could only keep it to myself for about a month. Then I confessed, gave the key to his apartment back, broke up with him, mercy fucked him, and drove away. I saw him one more time after that so we could talk some things through and that was it. I never saw him again. How do people keep it from their partners for years? Do they even really believe they are hiding it? I think more partners actually know what’s going on than they lead their partners to believe.

The respect I afford CJ the man and CJ the other half of me has not been reciprocated and some people may wonder why I got back together at all with him. I ask myself that question every so often, it may be why I’m so ready to write about the subject here, and the answer is difficult and been wrestled with, believe me. I don’t think I could describe it to my best friend, let alone here. Components of the answer include the divinity of forgiveness, the standards that I hold myself to, a love that is working at being unconditional (my love and understanding of CJ would be another 1400 word essay), the fact that CJ is not my entire life, that certain decisions aren’t mine, and much, much more.

As evidenced by current events I am certainly not the only woman who is still with a man that has cheated on her. There is a loyalty involved, a commitment that I’ve made to both him and myself that means something and that’s why in the present I stand by CJ.
Since none of this has to do with my self-esteem, I can also confidently say that if our relationship or I is blatantly disrespected again I will not “work it out”. I will leave. I will leave knowing I have to maintain my self-respect, self-worth, and sanity. I will leave knowing that I had given it another try and that this just wasn’t the time or place. I will leave happy for the attempt and sad at the failure, again. All of these things are uniquely and specifically human and I haven’t even brought in the emotion of love per se yet.

So when it comes to cheating, don’t feed me animal behavior bullshit. Don’t make yourself the victim, rather than me. Don’t believe everything will be the same again, it can’t be. What does need to be done is that if you can’t be honest with the other person at least be honest with yourself. Know thyself. I think many men settle for being a dog. I think that’s a cop out. It’s tough to be good, to be true, to have character and there’s a reason for it.

We are not animals, so don’t act like one.

CBW #74 - Please...More...Cock

This comfy cock came along with some nice words:

Love the blog. Since you're always giving so much, I thought I'd give a little back.
Keep up the good work.
~G

OK guys this is my last CBW submission for now.
You guys know what I like, show it to me!

Remember to send me your special pic for a Dirty Debbie CBW just click on the button on the sidebar that looks like this:

Togetherness

Late yesterday afternoon, after CJ got home from work I was thrown into the paradise that only he can send me to. Not only had it been a while since we connected in the way that physical love can do for a couple, but we both needed just a good old tension release.

I don't believe that any couple can truly connect without making love. It is the finale, if you’ll excuse the pun, the climax to a relationship.

As he kissed me, I began to melt into him. Things got very playful and for a while there I even acted as though I was only 17 years old. I think I could really run with that role-play at another time. It made me feel so bad, so hot to think of myself as a 17 year old giving myself up to this much older man.
As his hands moved under my blouse, then under my bra, squeezing my tits I felt like a young girl being just starting her sexual exploration. It was as though I was letting a man 'feel me up' for the first time. I liked it too.
I felt as though I needed a certain bit of courage to reach down to feel his hardness, his manhood. I didn't feel like a grown woman who was confident enough just to grab the cock she wanted. It made it all so wicked.

CJ wanted to move to the bedroom once I had allowed him to take off all my clothes. I asked if it was OK if we went to his parent's bedroom, adding slightly to the fantasy I was playing in my mind.
Our bedroom has large glass doors that lead to a balcony. Thick vertical blinds normally cover it. It was a nice day here in Central Maryland yesterday and the blinds were open. He had turned to lock the front door and I stood at the foot of the bed, blinds open, playing with my naked body as I watched oblivious people in the parking lot below.
I love being so forward, so free.

I told CJ when we were in bed how free he makes me. Truer words were never said.

Once on the bed, we truly fell into each other. The kisses, the massaging, the handsome look of his hard cock just to start. It seems the more he touched me, the more I felt him, the more primordial I became. The feel of my hair all over my face, the more I felt like a cat in heat. CJ knows how I need to taste his cock, how wet it makes me, how it makes me ache and soon he was feeding it to me. I was sucking and licking on him. I wanted to drive him crazy with my mouth.
Then it was my turn, I was being repaid and his kisses, lips and tongue were making love to my pussy. My legs spread wide as he finger fucked and ate me to massive orgasms.
But I live for the feeling of his cock inside me, stretching me open, responding to each other, moving in tandem.

Perfection.

We lingered for a long time in bed afterwards and I really liked that. He continued to massage me. I even told him that I still remember the first time he fucked me. That will be 30 years next year. I always want it to be good. I may not be as young as I was then, not as slim, and like most people I'm still average looking but when those special fates bring me to our bed, I am pure soul. Sounds strange doesn't it? It's my body that I'm using and is being used, but it's my soul that seems to spring forward.

I'm sure that CJ thinks of me as insatiable. I can tell sometimes that I almost overwhelm him. It can't be helped. It can't be tamed. I will never change it, never apologize for it, I know the truth is I don't have to with CJ. He understands it.

I miss him when we are not together and I told him so. I miss the feel of his body that connection I've been talking about. I know over the past three years of writing in this blog I've said it before, and I must say it again; I love the man. I love CJ as no other. I will need to go to bed with him until my last breath

A Reminder

I came across the following quote a couple of days ago.
I really like what it says and it expresses many of my feelings about what I'm doing here very well.
So a reminder that I am still brewing stories for my dirty diary in that special space between my ears.

"For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot
is in the ears.
He who looks for it below there is
wasting his time."
--Isabel Allende

Cum And Join Me And Cum

"Talk dirty to me"
That's one of my favorite sentences to either speak or hear.

Many times it's my hobby of cybering that gives me inspiration for the fiction that I write on this site.
It's so much fun. I've chatted with women and men from all over the world and it's one of my favorite late night activites.
Lately I've been thinking how much fun it might be to have cybersex with my readers. I always figure the more the merrier.
Actually this did happen once in May of 2006. I helped Ken and Jen (the infamous Dirty Couple in Virginia) fulfill a fantasy by having cybersex with Ken. You can read about what happened and excerpts here.

I do most all of my chatting on passion.com in a chatroom called, strangely enough, Talk Dirty to Me. Why not come on in and introduce yourself? It's free and it's fun.
To sign up just click on the icon on the sidebar that looks like:







As you can see on the button, my name on passion.com is debs_bed.

So, why not sign on and see me sometime?
Yummy!

CBW #73 - Just Plain Yummy

What a treat, this picture is a testament of cock perfection.
Below is the e-mail I got with this picture:

I have been visiting your site for so long and enjoyed every visit.
This is an appreciation for your wonderful stories.

Many thanks
from asian guy. (from Korea)

The appreciation is mutual. Keep enjoying the site. Thanks again.