A Lesson Learned

Preface: I have gotten several emails and comments on this post already about the C-Pap machine for CJ. Although I appreciate those comments, we have investigated that. My question below is more about finding a new/different way to show intimacy to replace the problem we're having.















Dirty Debbie's first question of the year is a personal plea for help:

I may be hard to believe, but it's been months since CJ and I have slept together. It's true and it's due to one thing: snoring.
When we were first married, years ago, there wasn't a problem. Two things have changed since then: I have more trouble sleeping than I used to and he snores, loudly.
We have a wonderful guest room that has become CJ's room. When we go sleep (not bed) at night we go our separate ways.
CJ used to have time before work to join me for a little while in the morning, but that's no longer true.

The other day I asked CJ if he thought that the lack of actually sleeping together had taken something away from our intimacy.
He answered in the affirmative. I had no reply, I knew what the answer was going to be.

I know that making love is the usually the pinnacle of intimacy and bonding. It's the perfect way to share, know, and be close to one another. I think another way is just the act of sleeping near each other. Those kisses good night aren't the same when I'm standing at 'my' bedroom door. We both sleep 'au natural' and hugging and kissing good night in our bed is more loving to me too.

I wish our work schedules were little more compatible, that may help me think of something that could replace this intimacy. So far no luck.
I'm usually more creative than this, but I'm drawing a blank this time.

Is anyone out there having the same kind of trouble. Or have you had it?
Any ideas for Debbie and CJ?

Addendum:We did sleep together the other night because I asked CJ to join me that night. All we did was kiss goodnight, this time while lying next to each other, snuggled, and fell asleep. True I did take a Rozerem to help me sleep, but it was nice. What is it about just physically lying together asleep?
Still I don't want to medicate myself all the time and any comments or suggestions are appreciated.

The Can of Worms

The fortune shown here is very true.
From the comments I am still receiving, it seems as though my posting on Infidelity and CJ's subsequent commentary has opened a can of worms. I recently received two more evocative comments on the posts.
What's happening here is what any good blogger wants, input. I would love to reply to each interesting comment with a new full entry, but I'm afraid the can of worms will never be closed that way.
I will comment in the comment sections of the entries, so please feel free to keep up on the debate there.
Thanks again for all your input.

Commentary on the Comments

Wow! The entry below caused a lot of commentary. If you look at any blog directory I'm listed with or at my source code you'll see the following as my blog's description:

Some of the random dirty little thoughts that may run through my head on any given day. Fantasy, reality, current events, let's talk dirty. Remember the brain is the largest sex organ.

I thought it best to write a whole other entry just to answer some of the comments I have gotten over the past 24 hours. I want to speak to every one who took the time to express their own opinions. I love a good debate and discussion.

So in no particular order, my responses to my readers:

1. Alfie: I'm glad that my case was made and as always "you're welcome".

2.MikeCindyJoe: I'm so glad that you commented and made clear that things aren't different in your shared lifestyle. I especially like the point you made of the sexual definitions being secondary. Best of all was the way you put the 'moral of the story' :
"There are no excuses in life, so don't try to make any, OR invent a lame reason to do so."

3. Dan: Thank you for your kind words and wishes. I'm loving my life and it's many aspects. As for the parts of the story not included, I think a lot it would come off as trite and/or forced compared to what I have already written. CJ's thoughts, that may be tough, he can be the epitome of still waters running deep, a typical Capricorn. Luckily for him I am a patient woman, so we shall see. So far I have heard 100% more from my readers than him (at least at the time of this writing).

4. MCB: You bring a different look at the entire events leading up to my posting. I agree that these things can get complicated and you mention choices as did I. Your insight into Spitzer is inspiring and I agree with it. It shows not only disrespect for his wife though, but for the woman he bought.

5. Finally the infamous 'Anonymous': Please understand that I am not struggling to be faithful. It is not my desire to do anything differently as you seem to imply. As I said, it is my desire to make love with my husband, not have more orgasms. You describe yourself as a dog. You can either give up and stay that way or move on and above it. Remember if you decide to stay a dog don't aspire to greater things, a better job or salary, a better place to live, to discover true love, etc. It's your choice, do you really want to be a lone dog in a doghouse? I agree with you about it being part of a successful relationship, but I don't believe it's "pretty easy to fail". Some of your fellow commenters speak to that.

I'm sure more comments will come in and more than likely I'll answer those in the comment section.
Now I think I'd like to turn my writing from current events and opinion back to erotica.

Intimacy

My Valentine's Day commentary.

in·ti·ma·cy
–noun, plural -cies.
1.the state of being intimate.
2.a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
3.an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.
4.an amorously familiar act; liberty.
5.sexual intercourse.
6.the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room.
7.privacy, esp. as suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio.
This year's Valentine's day for me was intimate, but not in the ways I normally write about. CJ and I didn't go out for a romantic dinner. We didn't have an extended love-making session. In fact, we didn't even kiss.
CJ is sick as a dog with now has been diagnosed as severe bronchitis or pneumonia (he still needs a chest x-ray).
He actually thought he could go to work on Valentine's Day. So I woke up to a box of chocolates (yes that's them pictured above) and a card that sang 'Ain't No Woman Like The One I Got'. When I got home that evening he was worse, wrapped in the robe I gave him for Christmas a couple of years ago, and lying on the couch. He opened the card I card him, but I didn't dare kiss him.

My intimacy toward my lover this Valentine's Day consisted of back rubs, pouring glasses of V-8 and orange juice, taking his temperature, and insisting he go to the doctor (which he did today). Yes, the intimacy even consisted of sleeping in the same bed with the stuffed up, hacking, in pain man I love.
No doubt that within a few more days the intimacy will include me being sick. I already feel that tingle in the back of my throat and that itch in my nose. I don't mind, it can't be helped.
So remember that being together and being intimate can mean very different things for a couple depending on the situations that life brings us.
I enjoy being able to show my love either way, by having CJ slowly enter me and the height he can take me to by making love to me, or by covering him with blankets and patting him just to let him know I'm there.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day.

An Outline

Sure, it happens every so often. We've all read the excuses that bloggers write about their lack of recent writing.
I make no apologies or excuses. There are other things going on in my life other than my blog.

Here's some things that have happened over the past couple of weeks to me.

• I've starting working out at Curves.
• CJ almost made me late for work by waking me up with a hard-on.
• I had a make over done with my boss.
• Been to the company picnic to serve food and volleyballs.
• Been to a brunch to thank the team I work on for all their hard work.
• Got a phone call on the way to that brunch because the kid was in an accident in the New York subway, falling between the platform and the doors of the train. We're just thankful it wasn't worse.
• Got a new car for CJ, a Cadillac Catera.
• Planned the annual trip to AC with mom for next week.
• Went to a great concert/laser show by Several Species, a Pink Floyd tribute band.
• Had some great seminar in trauma training.
• Have been re-certified in CPR.
• Have been just plain weary and spent lately, but I am still working on re-charging, between CJ and my workouts I think it's working.
• Haven't written much in the blog or to the people I owe e-mails.

No worries the cheating story will continue. I know what I want to write, I just haven't put it to paper yet.

What Do You Want?

To My Readers:
Just like in bed folks, if you don't let me know what you want I can't give it to you.
I haven't had much feedback on the last three installments of my story, "Does This Describe You?"
So let me know what you need.
Along with voting, please make additional comment on anything you'd like to see or read.
Thank you all for reading and understanding I just want to make it good for you. It's never been all about me.

Do I continue with the cheating story?
	Yes, but wrap it up quickly..
	Yes, take as many installments as you need.
	No, I don't like the subject matter.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Privacy Matters

I bet it's hard for you, dear reader to believe, but I have a couple of stories that I've started and haven't finished.
This time it's not because of writer's block or problems in my personal life, it's a lack of privacy.
CJ and I live in a nice two bedroom condo. Our daughter recently graduated college and got an internship in New York City that starts next month. She's staying with us until she's set up in her own place. I'm surprised at the effect this has had on my blog reading and writing. I'm just not comfortable writing with her so close by. It may be silly, but I can't seem to get into that smooth writing frame of mind.
It won't be long, maybe another week or so, and I'll be in my own special erotic space.
Even I look forward to seeing what the explosion will be like!
Keep enjoying each other until I can join in.

An Interview With The Man Behind The Woman

I thought it might be fun to have an interview with CJ. It turned out to be very open and honest. Two things I always admire from the bedroom to the workplace.
This is completely unedited.

Let us know what you think of the questions and ideas that may arise from this interview. Let us know if need to know more, and what that might be.

I picture this becoming very interactive.





1) Dirty Debbie writes a lot of fantasy, what’s it like being the man that gets the real thing?

I think that it contributes not only to her creativity, but is also a release for things she desires. Sometimes I can accommodate her, sometimes I can't.
I get off making her happy, and if writing or chatting with someone about sex is "it", then well and good.

2) You’ve contributed to the blog, but your stories are very different in both material and how they’re written. What’s your inspiration?

My inspiration is whatever pops into my imagination, or whatever my muse prods me towards. For example, Deb has a fantasy about a bisexual experience with Kim Cattrall that piqued my interest, so my muse gave me a scenario to write about.
I like to write in first person because you can "get into" the subject's mind, but I can shift gears to a third person account for true story telling.

3) Are you turned on by your own writing?

Of course.

4) What are your thoughts on Debbie’s “outlet”?

Oh, I fully support her in her endeavors. Over the years things have happened to me physically that have diminished my sex drive - and YES, I've tried Viagra - and it's something I'm working on, but Deb's writings and chats help her to have an outlet for the full depth and breadth of her sex life.

5) What do you think a couple can gain from a sex blog like this?

Well if they are both involved, then I think they can gain insights into each other, and find new ways to please each other through interaction with each other online.
If only one person in the relationship is involved without the other one's knowledge, then there is something wrong that needs to be looked into.

6) What would like to see done differently on the blog.

I've discussed this with Deb, and I know many will agree: Deb needs to keep up her posts. I know how hard it gets (snicker snicker) to write every day, or even several times a week when you've been wiped out by your job, and she's been working on a solution.
It's great when she gets several ideas and writes them down as soon as she can, then saves them in draft to post later.

One thing I would like to see is Deb having a question and answer area for people who want help with their sex lives. Deb originally wanted to be a sex therapist and since she has a good head on her shoulders, could give great advice.

7) Can you tell us a little bedroom secret about the infamous Dirty Debbie?

Well, you probably know by now that DD's nipples are directly connected to her pussy and that she's a champion cock sucker, but I'll bet you didn't know that she's turned OFF by huge dicks. Ask her about how most women feel..

8) How do you feel about having your sex life and Debbie’s fantasies out there for the whole world to see?

As long as people don't know our names and that I'm the executive Vice President of the 700 club and a deacon at the largest conservative evangelical church in Washington D.C., it's just fine.

Next question?

Auld Lang Syne

I feel that a major part of my blog is connection. It's connection with many like minded people, a connection with my lover, a connection with the a certain spirit that makes me feel alive. I always enjoy reading your comments, especially on the more provocative articles. So I went over the comments of the last year and below are some of them. Please know that I enjoy all your thoughts and comments, these are just a few examples of my favorites for 2006.

• January 10: What Are You Wearing?

Dee's Husband said:
You know... I hit the blogs intending to satisfy my pseudo-intellectual need for literary stimulation... And then there's one humble picture of a wet vulva that derails my entire brain and any pretense of providing myself with cerebral enrichment goes right out the window. Am I complaining? Not on your life. All I want right now is to eat that pictured pussy for a month of Sundays.
Joe

• February 16: Something Old, Something New

Leatherback said:
oh good god...I have to take my wife to bed immediately...
x

• June 19: Welcome Home

Desire X said:
This is so beautiful.
Lucky girl you are to be able to share all of your feelings here with him. To get to express how much he means to you, not only in the words you speak, but also in the words you write for him.

Truly wonderful.

HER

• August 12: Zagats Gives It Five Stars

Woody said:
When I read this-"You bad girl, I can smell your wet cunt", I felt an instant rush of blood to my cock. The urge to spend a little quality time with myself, however no time for that at the moment. Love it!

• August 5: The Descent Into Puritanical Hell

Desire X said:
It's hard to believe the extremes that some women go to in their fear. That's the only excuse I can come up with. They fear their own womanhood. They want to hide away in a dark closet the very essence of what it means to be a woman. This is a beautiful statement of femininity. I'm so proud of you for speaking out! What's next? We stop breastfeeding altogether because it's gross? This seems to put some sexual connotations on the act of breastfeeding... and THAT is gross! Any woman who is so warped as to see breastfeeding as a sexual thing is sick. One thing I love about Europe is walking through the park and seeing mothers breastfeeding right out in the open. No one even gives it a second thought. Only Americans seems to be so caught up in feminine repression that they disregard nature and what is part of the cycle of life. You're beautiful Debbie. You make me proud to call you sister. HER

• November 29: Temporary? Shut Down

Artful Dodger said:
Oh no, I miss a day and look what happens! So sorry to hear about your troubles beautiful, I'll be thinking about you and stopping by every so often to post "where are you comments" :) Take care of the important things and we'll still be here when you get back. Love and kisses and some super supportive cyber huggy stuff too!

And dare I say it? "What will the new year bring us all?"

Finally a brief memorial to bloggers we have lost due to retirement, hacking, etc. I'm sure there are more that you can think of so don't hesitate to mention them in your comments.

Anakalia of Salicity
David of Late Starter
Jesse and Lestat at Creative Nights
The Dirty Filthy Princess